ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria: Working With a Tender Heart

For a lot of folks with ADHD, the toughest part isn't always the distraction or staying organized—it's the intensity of emotions. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) is what we call that sharp sting, wave of shame, or sinking feeling when we think we're being criticized, disapproved of, or left out. Just the thought of rejection can feel overwhelming, like a tidal wave.

If you've been through trauma, these feelings might hit even harder because your nervous system might be on high alert for any danger in your relationships and surroundings. The good news? You're not broken, and there are ways to handle RSD with kindness and care.

1. Recognize It Without Shame

The first step in dealing with RSD is knowing it's real. Your brain isn't "too sensitive" or "overreacting." It's just wired that way, often influenced by both ADHD and your experiences. Recognizing RSD lets you pause and think: This is an RSD moment, not the whole story about me.

2. Find Your Safety Anchors

When RSD hits, it can feel like the ground disappears beneath you. Grounding strategies can help you find your footing:

• Keep a calming object at your desk or in your pocket.

• Repeat a mantra like: I am safe, I am enough, this feeling will pass.

• Take a moment to notice your breath, your body in the chair, or the feel of your hands on your lap.

These little anchors remind your nervous system that you're here and safe, even if the rejection story feels overwhelming.

3. Separate Feelings from Facts

RSD can make us see neutral moments—like a short text, a delayed email, or a quick glance away—as rejection. Before reacting, try to pause and ask:

• What are the actual facts?

• What am I afraid this says about me?

This doesn't erase the pain but gives your brain room to hold two truths: I feel rejected and this might not actually be rejection.

4. Quiet the Inner Critic

RSD often brings harsh self-talk. Trauma can make that critic even louder. Instead of pushing it away, try talking to yourself like you would to a friend:

• “Of course this hurts. Anyone would feel tender.”

• “I don’t need to be perfect to be loved.”

• “I’m allowed to make mistakes and still be worthy.”

5. Make Work RSD-Friendly

Workplaces can be full of little triggers: performance reviews, feedback emails, group dynamics. Some gentle tweaks can help:

• Ask for clarity: Instead of guessing, ask for specific feedback or expectations.

• Buffer feedback time: If written critiques sting, ask for face-to-face check-ins where tone and context are clearer.

• Body doubling or peer support: Having someone with you can ease the spiral when rejection fears pop up.

6. Rejection Isn’t the Whole Story

RSD can feel permanent in the moment, but every flare eventually passes. Over time, you can start to notice the cycle: the rise of shame, the peak of discomfort, and then the slow ebb. Each time you get through an RSD wave, you build proof that you can ride it out without it defining who you are.

Reflection for the Week...

Living with ADHD and RSD means having a tender heart in a world that isn’t always gentle. But that tenderness also lets you feel deeply, love fiercely, and bring creativity and empathy into your work and relationships.

You are not defined by rejection—real or imagined. You are defined by your persistence, your humanity, and the ways you keep showing up, even when your nervous system wants you to shut down.

Your sensitivity is not a flaw. It’s a sign of your depth, your care, and your courage.